By George Mwenya
President Michael Sata's much anticipated speech before before parliament today did not go as planned, as the head of state was unable to complete his prepared speech, leaving the premises early.
The president's appearance confirms why his handlers have been working so hard to confine him to State House grounds, and why the government banned all non-state media from attending this important public proceeding. Sata's poor health was on full display, as he stumbled through the 29-minute speech, frequently departing from the prepared speech text to tell lewd jokes, and taking very long pauses.
There was that awkward moment when before a very eager ZNBC crew that had been given all access to parliament saw the President fold his speech barely a few paragraphs through.
There could not have a more nightmarish start when he started by directly referring to his state of health something that may have unnerved his handlers but at that stage they could only watch in fright.
"I want introduce this woman on my left although she has made me stay up to now I haven't died yet but she is hell," said President Sata.
He was in school master mode as he kept picking out personalities asking them to stand up random breaks from the few moments he read his speech.
"Then all honourable members you have seen the tallest minister of education Mr Phiri where are you stand up," he said as his comics persisted.
He put his long serving Vice President Guy Scott in an awkward moment when he referred to his moment with an open zip which started off as a bra.
"And from Cape Cairo we only have one white man who happens to be Vice President now I am not sure I have two vice presidents one in my house and two outside but the one I am introducing is the white one he is Dr Scott," he said as Dr Scott kept his head drooped.
"Now that muzungu you have to be very careful with him because I imported him to come and help us through development in Mpika and I also imported his current wife and I wanted to introduce the one in charge of DBSP not knowing the white man has left his bra, his zip outside. And from there he proposed in marriage Charlotte Scott congratulations Dr Scott."
There was that awkward moment when Pnaji Kaunda's head was shoved on the public and also asked to stand up to brandish his head to the house.
"And we have a replica here of Dr Kenneth Kaunda you can just look at his head," he said.
Just when everybody thought the President was settling he popped in with an F word performance, "I would to introduce Mr Fackwell Shamenda and our new president we read in the paper President Kambwili. "
So much for the promise of an in-depth address as the President had promised at some stage, "MY ADDRESS this morning will be in two parts the first being the highlights of PF and its challenges and way forward. The second part will deal will deal with details and statistics of these programmes on the way forward which second part I will lay on the table for consideration of the house and the ultimate consideration by the republic."
Advocates of a people driven constitution may still be wondering how their subject never made the topic .